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PRINCETON PLAINSBORO THEATRE 3000 - SEASON FINALE:Season 3 Ep 13: Divide By Zero (Chapter 1, Part 2)
bitch please house md critic
thewaughnman

And we're back to the Hameron 'abuse' fic for the season finale.

Enjoy!

Princeton Plainsboro Theatre 3000

Sung by: House and The Ducklings

Written by: Marco and The Marcos

In a not too distant future
Next Tuesday more or less
There was the acerbic Dr. House
who of rules couldn't care less

He worked at Princeton Hospital,
No white coat for him as usual
He worked on cases which were really weird
And when he noticed bad!fic his evil side was thrilled...

'I'll read my colleagues cheesy bad!fic,
The worse I can find,
They'll have to sit and read them all
and I'll monitor their minds (if they have any).'

Now keep in mind House can control
when the bad!fic begins or ends
But don't you dare think that he'd ever spare
his dear colleagues and friends

Princeton role call:

Cuddy (I guess I'm close to get that baby...)
Foreman (I'm a fellow... except not.)
Chase (Right here, Mate!)
Cameron (Am I still in the show?)
WIIIIIILSON! (Here's for an angsty Season 5!)

If you wonder how they eat and breathe
and other science facts
Now keep in mind "It's a hospital,
I should really just relax,

House: Did I mention Tritter's here?
Tritter: This is the end, you see, the end of season 3!

For Princeton Plainsboro Theatre 3000!!!"

Mark & Derek are around a watercooler, talking about Harper's Island's
conclusion.

Mark: I mean, who the Hell decided to let that bitch and her daughter live?
Derek: Yeah, man, I feel you. And what about the motive? Pretty flimsy,
wasn't it?

House barges in and says

House: Prepare for something worse!

Every light begins to flash, a siren can be heard and everybody begins to
move
every which
way, while screaming

All: AAAAAHHHH.... WE'VE GOT BAD!FIC SIGN!!!!

[Doors 1-6, they go into the theater]


She lowered herself into the recliner opposite him not willing to make a big
deal of the situation.

Mark: Sure, I've been molested on the job, it's no big deal at all.

What Mason did was inexcusable but rationally she knew he wouldn't try
anything else.

Cuddy: Too bad that Cameron's rationality has been forever impaired by her
Twu Wuv for House!
Cameron: The freak? Why would I marry CHASE if I loved House... GAH!
Others: What?
Cameron: I had a flash of that fic where I used my wedding day with Chase to
marry House. It wasn't pretty.


The guy was a jerk but he wasn't stupid enough to risk his career.

Tritter: Someone else's career, on the other hand...


'He was just trying to intimidate me.'

House: *Cameron, Bella!Sue style* And he succeeded!

House shifted,

Foreman: Into a wolf.

unsatisfied with the answer but unsure how to proceed next.

Chase: *dramatic gasp* It's the Blue Screen Of Death!
Chuck: Let me guess, Windows Vista.


He wasn't supposed to care why it happened

Wilson: And he didn't.

and he wasn't supposed to need a reason but the

Derek: Boredom.

questions hovered on the tip of his tongue and it was only at the last second
that he managed to

Casey: Regain some sanity.

pull them back,

Taub: Into the deepest darkest recesses of his mind.


'You need to tell Cuddy.'

Dean: What you did last summer!

Cameron shook her head emphatically. 'No.'

Castiel: Surprises.

'What do you mean no?' He looked dumbfounded as if

Cuddy: She was stupid.

what she was suggesting wasn't even an option, 'Either you do it, or I will.'

13: And then he proceeded to dance the Macarena the best he could, which
isn't much.

'House…' She lowered her voice,

Sarah Walker: To the floor, and lower!

a part of her curious as to why he was pushing so hard.

Chuck: The rest of her, though, didn't give a damn.

It was rare to see him genuinely concerned about something and the fact he
was becoming more uncomfortable by the second led her to believe she wasn't
the only one confused.

Foreman: The readers are, too!

'What's going on? Why is this really bothering you so much?'

Tritter: Have you read the script?

Her eyes silently challenged him, causing his walls to instantly flared back
up.

Castiel: ...Flared? Did the English Grammar change while I was out?

'It bothers me because you're being a moron and if you think I won't tell…'

Chase: Gossip Girl. Now for seniors.


'House please…'

Wilson: I'm sorry, but all I have is a condo.


The words stopped his rant in its tracks.

Mark: 3 and 12 on his new CD.

She wasn't begging but it was borderline pathetic

13: It's *Cameron*! When *isn't* it pathetic?


and he managed to rationalize the situation by convincing himself that the
more he pressed the issue the more it would seem like he cared.

Cuddy: Ok, that's a really smart... sorry, I can't lie, it's crap.

'Fine… but when he butchers you up into little pieces, don't say I didn't
warn you.'

Derek: Subtlety takes a hike.
Mark: And Common Sense goes along for the trip.


Cameron felt a small smile creep onto her lips as she pushed herself up. He
might not be willing to admit it but he was concerned and the notion sent
butterflies straight to her stomach.

Chase: Please, please, PLEASE, tell me they don't kiss...
Mark: They won't kiss.


You want a drink?'

Taub: Of Poison?


He nodded slightly, annoyed by the smugness lacing her tone and waited until
she was out of the room before reaching into his pocket, popping two pills.

Chuck: Is this supposed to mean he destroyed them or he took them?

This was a bad idea…

Jack B: The fic? I agree!


the fact he was here out of the goodness of his heart was sickening enough
and should have been an indication that he wasn't thinking clearly.

Mark: Bad!fic explains it all.

It was the sex, it had to be. It was making him all pubescent and skittish
and it needed to stop.


Mark: He was joining a convent tomorrow, first thing in the morning!

Clearing his throat, he stood up as she re-entered the room. 'I'm gonna go,
not that I need beauty sleep but you could do with a few hours…'

Derek: Even though it wouldn't be enough if you slept two years...

She placed the two glasses of scotch down on the table and with a shrug
flicked on the tv,

Wilson: *deadpan* That was impressive.

'Okay, suit yourself.'

Sawyer: What the... who's speaking? The TV??


House watched her carefully as she sat down unable to shake the feeling he
was

Dan: In a bad!fic.

being baited. When they started sleeping together he was the one using her

Derek: Angora sweaters.
Mark: Greg... ooor... Gregga!
Everybody: *begins to laugh*


and while part of his brain deducted maybe that was wrong or in the least, a
bad

Casey: Fanfic.

idea... he was surprised to find her attitude towards the whole thing
seemingly mirrored his own.

Sarah: A 'WTF is this shit' attitude.

She wasn't clingy like he'd expected, didn't mention it at work, smiled and
shrugged it off when he didn't call round... It was

Cuddy: Disturbing.

puzzling and one of the reasons he kept showing up was so he could try and
figure out if she was playing him

Foreman: In the feature film.


, or if she really just didn't care. Reverse psychology or ignorance?

Jack: ... The second one.


Either way he was a man with

Tritter: Needs!

a driving force to find

Blair: His father's killer... wait... wrong show.


answers and so wordlessly he lowered himself back down

Brennan: The river to pray, hobbling about that good old way...

, confident that it was curiosity and nothing else keeping him from leaving.

Dean: But House will be back in 'Gregory House And The Fanfic Of Suck'!

[Doors 1-6]

Everybody runs away, too horrified to stay, and everybody pushes the button
at once.

PRINCETON PLAINSBORO THEATRE 3000

DIVIDE BY ZERO (CHAPTER 1, PART 2)

VERY!BAD!FIC BY Follow-ur-Shadow

MST BY TheWaughnMan

KEEP CIRCULATING THE FICS

-_^

Stinger:
What Mason did was inexcusable but rationally she knew he wouldn't
try anything else.

A Servolicious Production.


[ Our doctor today is confused ]

  • 1
great as always!
(hmmm, I thought Wilson hovered on the tip of House's tongue....)

*nods*

Thanks for reading!

She wasn't begging but it was borderline pathetic
13: It's *Cameron*! When *isn't* it pathetic?

So true! Good MST :)

  • 1
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